Temptation of Death

Will I be better off if I am dead ?
Will you finally see me,
Even if its only in your dreams...
Will my words be finally heard,
and not fall on deaf ears ?
Oh please tell me,
if I am not here,
will you care for me more ?
And yearn for my presence,
like a thirsty stork waiting for rain..
Oh please tell me,
Will I be better off if I am dead ?
And you finally accept me,
Just the way I am !!!

Dear diary !!

Lies, hurt, cowardice,
Deception personified,
a monument to treachery,
I am stuck up with you
An albatross around my neck !!


Empty words.
scattered like sand in the wind.
You are no different,
Not your fault,
You all are the same.


Broken promises,
Shattered dreams,
Reverberate along the walls of my mind.
You are forgiven...
I can finally hate you !

Life goes on

We should have stayed together,
That was our destiny,
But it wasn't meant to be...

Lost,
And found,
And lost again...
I moved on,
But you are still stuck there
Maybe still waiting for me.

When will you understand,
Eternity is a void,
Full of grief
And despair,
Which slowly weakens our will to survive.

We get hurt,
And then heal.
We learn to smile inspite of our tears,
And life goes on...

We were meant to be together,
But it didn't work out.
Life still goes on!

Remembrance

I thought of you again,
remembering the times we spent together.
That smile,
that grin,
Musical like the stream,
that flows in the distant greens.

That twinkle in your eyes,
the mischievous wink,
that innocent look on your face,
when your mind was full of pranks
awaiting the unawares..

The remembrance lingers on,
of how I had tried to hold on to you.
Oh ! I had tried real hard,
But then who can hold sand in his hands...

Letting go was painful,
but it wasn't sad,
you were my swan song,
I don't feel remorse,
I still love you..

Charade

Behind the veils,
I conceal my wounds
and try to gather my thoughts.

The sheathe can break,
The veneer is very thin.
I'll be hurt again..

I am sore,
my soul is scorched
but you are so shallow..
Oh! why don't you care ??
You carry on your charade
happy in your makebelieve world,
unwittingly hurting me again
and again..

Till there is nothing more left.
Till I succumb to despair
And sink,
lost,
In the abyss of hopelessness...

Identity..

A sinner but a healer,
loser but still a winner,
coherent but confused thoughts,
stirred but inert,
atheist but a preacher,
a queen but still poor,
a beggar but still content,
black and white but still grey...
An enigma,
a question,
or my identity...

This Sinking Feeling !!!

Pain ,
sorrow ,
hopelessness,
Painting the river black.

Lunacy,
Apathy,
Bewilderment ,
At the end of the bottomless pit.

Anger,
Jealousy,
Frustration,
Dark as the colour green.

Faith,
Wishes,
Identity,
Lost in this melee of repentant grief.

Soaked,
but thirsty,
Still waiting for release.

Stuck in a quagmire,
Slowly being sucked
into the black hole of anonymity....

Maybe

You ask me
Why am I so melancholic ??
have you left any reason for me to be happy..

Like the rest you came to me,
made me smile,
gave a reason to cherish life.

I laughed
and bloomed
and believed that life is all sunshine and gaiety.

And then like the rest you also left..
no consoling words,
Just an unknown compelling reason..
reconfirming my faith,
that it was always I who has been wrong..

A heart,
broken once again.
Trust,
murdered again..
Apprehensions,
turned true again...

I'll still smile,
and laugh,
and live,
but there won't be anymore glitter in my eyes...

Maybe I won't be so naive next time.
Maybe I'll learn my lessons..
Its not your fault,
I have always known,
Life's lessons are learnt the hard way...

Dreams or Nightmares...

Dreams are supposed to be beautiful,
Full of hope and strength
Angels and golden wings.
Then why don't I see them ?
Why do I see graveyards
whenever I think of green valleys.
Why is my vision filled with wilted flowers,
when I think of stars.
Why has despair replaced hope ?
Why has felicity forsaken her place for morbidity ?
Who is to be blamed ?
Why could I do nothing ?
As my dreams turned into nightmares....

In the throes of agony...

I cannot cry,
I cannot writhe,
lest they all know my grief.
But yes,
yes I can do this much,
I can let this one tear escape unchecked.
My heart,
I know you want to be expressed,
but truth is not what the world wants to see...

Moving On...

And I moved on,
leaving behind the rubble
of what was once you
And me...

What we had was beautiful,
But a mirage.
A vanquished dream,
that had to break someday.

I am no more desolate,
Nor self-deprecating.
I can smile again,
And feel the sunshine,
And live...

I have finally moved on!

Solitude

I loved him,
promised him sky,
and everything in it,
but could not give him what he desired.
He begged me,
but I was blind,
caught up in my own world,
I did not see him suffer.
Ravaged by his torture,
When he had nothing more to say
he just left
not a word,
nor a tear.

Like the ebbing tide
I called to him,
held my heart and cried for him,
but it was too late,
he was gone.
So I loved and lost...

All that I have now
are shrads of truth,
a hollow soul,
a broken heart,
and silence...

The pen wouldn't yield !

They say,
grief gives you the power to speak.

My heart is sore,
But the words wo'nt come,
The pen, wouldn't yield..

Emotions are raw,
And the mind is numb.
A cry is rising to my throat,
But my voice has forsaken me..

The tears have dried,
And memories are hurt,
Love again left unrequited,
But the pen still wouldn't yield...

The Other Self..

I haunt the graveyard
and befriend the spectres,
who roam around
mourning their unfulfilled wishes.

I spin the gossamer
of unrequited love and jealousy
blinding everything honest
and turn joy into grief.

I am that tiny voice in your head,
who makes you evil
and lets reason run amok
while happiness gets slaughtered.

I am not vile,
but I cannot see beauty
an unfaithful lover
who goes away with time.

You cannot banish me,
I am not in your dreams,
You did not conjure me,
but were born with me.

Self-Annihilation

Have you ever seen time stand still ?
I have...
Have you ever felt life ebb out of your veins ?
blood dripping down that soaked sleave,
making a puddle on those pink tiles,
drop by painful drop..

I have seen
Each moment of Joy and Despair,
frozen in time,
for eternity.
I have felt the cold sweats,
and a heart choked with dread,
or were it unexpressed emotions !!
I have seen panic filled faces blur...
And I have felt warmth
and peace.
A final end to my quest.

Despair

In the deep dark recess of my mind,
where the light of hope cannot reach,
lurks the anxiety of uncertainity.
Unknown,
Unseen,
untold,
lies low my pain,
my tattered soul,
my unexpurgated fear,
my crushed dreams...


But I have learnt to feel without a heart,
see with my eyes closed,
speak in the language of silence...

I have lost faith,
I will never break free
I will never see the sunshine again...

It could be you

Once upon a time,

In a not so distant past,

there was a girl,

who loved a boy.

Their hearts were pure,

their love was strong,

Or so, they had thought.

"Till death do us part"

they had once pledged.

Happily unaware of what future had in store.

And then one day she had to go,

"I will come back"

she promised him.

The boy was too innocent,

He was too naive..

He trusted his love,

And happily obliged....

That was the past,

the present is different...

The boy is stll the same,

but the girl has changed.

She doesn't love him anymore,

She doesn't care,

bitter words were exchanged.

One heart was ripped open..

She left him,

but the boy is still waiting..

Hoping she'll come back..

realizing how much he still loves her..

All love stories don't have happy endings..

I hope this one does...

She

I see her in my dreams...

An ephemeral vision,
A sudden thought,
An elusive fragrance.

She is the golden ray,
shining in between the dark clouds.
An ambrosia for parched lips,
A fountain hidden among trees.
She is the zephyr
that blows gently over the seas...

She is there
In a child's squeal of delight,
In the endearing words of a shy lover,
In the sweet lullaby that a mother sings,
In the old age's contented sigh.

Love and felicity
Pleasure and peace
Hope and exhiliration.
She is all this,
and much more...

I'll never meet her in my life,
But yes,
I can see her in my dreams...

Via Negativa

Entangled, enmeshed,
like a silvery cobweb,
confused thoughts flit through my mind.
Waiting for release,
unspoken words rise to my lips.

Unmoored, adrift,
I am lost in this wide gamut of emotions.
Like an unrequited love,
The unknown beckons me.

But I know,
all is not lost.
not yet...

Cogitation

I am fire,
a wild connotation
of unsuppressed desires..
You'll burn your fingers,
So beware.
I can be your Muse,
But I really am a Siren.
Unperturbed, undisturbed..
I move on,
bringing destruction all along.
I am not to be pitied
or scorned.
I am golden
But my colour is RED...

Truth

MY love,
Whenever I'm angry,
Whenever I pretend I'm running away,
Whenever I throw all cautions to the wind,
Don't forget,
I love you
I always do.

Not for a minute,
Not for a second,
You never go out of my heart.
Even when I'm crying,
I see nothing but your face.

You are my laughter and my tears.
You are my hopes and my fears.
My days begin and end with you.
You are my love,
you are my life,
You are my eternity...

An Unfinished Story

Empty,hollow words,

Echoes from the past,

You still loom large in my thoughts

and still haunt my dreams...

Yesterday I had bloomed with you,

Today all I can do is cringe.
I do not hate you

I loathe myself

For still cherishing your feel...

A cup of woes,

A vial of lies,

Deception writ all over,

You brought them to me

with a smile...

I can still hear the empty words,

Reverberations from a not so distant past...

Waiting for Spring

I am waiting for the spring.
With my arms wide open,
I await a new beginning.

I do not want to remember the things that went wrong,
the dreams that were broken,
I am sorry...
can't you give me another chance ?

Yesterday you could not see my cry,
What happened today ?
How could you let me go without a single try ?
It is autumn...
And I am still waiting...

Introspection

When was the last time-
you lived your life your own way,
investigating the little crossroads as you went by,
Or heard the wind rustling in the woods,
And felt the touch of stones
as you sat on them, lost in thoughts,
Or stared at the grey empyrean growing into infinity,
and found the moonlight flooding into your heart.

When was the last time-

The early morning rays warmed your cheeks,
as you began a new day
full of expectations of what it has in store for you,
And watched a flock of geese take to the sky,
Or wished luck on a falling star,
And hoped for it to come true,
Or paused,
And stopped to watch a centipede crawl by.

When was the last time-

you looked at yourself in a mirror
and questioned,
WHO AM I?

Silence in Colors

The world is beautiful,
Full of colours.
But do colours really define beauty?
People walk masked in colors
with pallid gloom throbbing in their hearts.
We abhor black and white,
and shades of grey,
Yet they are so much a part of our life,
destined to accompany us till our deathbeds.


The sky is so full,
and yet so empty,so black.
Full of innumerable stars,
Each so distant from the other
Serenely waiting for its end
Lonely,Surrounded by Silence,
And Colors.

Thy Time Has Come

And she said-
"Thy time has come,
Thou shalt leave now.
Thee have to go now,
and leave this place behind.
You are no more a fragile china doll
but a a Woman of Substance.
Thee have taken enough,
Now repay what is due.


The walls of comfort are no longer meant for you.
You have to take up a new voyage.
The words will be harsh,
The wind merciless,
but you have to tread on.
So depart..
Even if u stumble,
look back not for when else you stumbled,
But how you rose.


The past is a mystery,
Future,a mirage,
Present is what you have.
You have the foundation,
Now erect something for the world to marvel at.
And for them to remember -
That once there was a girl,
Who was not so sure of her future,
But had her head firmly planted on her shoulder."